Today I woke up to a semi sleep-awake nightmare. It was around 5 AM and I began heavily breathing. I couldn’t go back to sleep, I went to the bathroom, drank water and went back to bed with my night lamp open. The Fajer prayer started so I got up again and prayed read some Quran and went back to sleep.

I remembered that lately I haven’t been praying the Fajer prayer on time, because it’s winter and the “اذان” is around 5 AM, I’d set my alarm to 6 AM and wake up to pray and dress for work “مره وحده”.

I believe that all things happen for a reason and I’d like to believe that this is GOD’s way of taking care of me and reminding me. Because I was so scared I actually thought it was my time to go and as always I wasn’t ready. I haven’t read the Quran in months and I just pray my five prayers and that’s it.

Lately I’ve been wrapped into my own world. Angry for no reason at all and only seeing whatever is wrong in my life. Being so damn stubborn and not thankful for all the things I already have.

I woke up late for work, surprisingly didn’t mind at all. Went downstairs, my little brother that I drop everyday to school, unexpectedly set my daily mug and was heating hot water for both of us, “Do you want green tea”, he asked. “No, I’m having coffee today”. I was glad for his gesture. I went outside to start up the car and saw the weather and laughed “damn, today is beautiful”, too bad there is some kind of boycott that I decided to commit too, I can always enjoy it regardless, I think I’ll go for a walk after I get out of work. Anyway, I started waving madly at my brother in his car, he smiled and waved back. Got back inside, prepared my coffee and got stuck in traffic. I arrived late for work ;P

Everyone in this world has their own priorities, problems, beliefs and struggles. How they deal with it … is another struggle all together.

I know people will think I made a big deal out of nothing, but this is just me. I constantly think about death and what I leave behind, my contributions, but what scares me the most is the afterlife and if I have done enough, I know I haven’t.

I may drift back into my own world but I hope it’s not soon. And I know, GOD is merciful and that there will always be reminders if I ever stray and lose perspective of what is really important and worthwhile. It doesn’t matter if you don’t always get what you want because you never know what is best.

I do have my constant indisputable wishes that I always pray for and I remind myself that “you always pray to GOD for them” and I’d like to believe that GOD will grant me them because if I believe in something so much deep down inside … it’ll happen.

This is my day so far ;D