Just Thoughts

Nostalgia … everyone supposedly will end up feeling … I’m still waiting!

This feeling is so idolised that any other feeling but … is outrageous.

Maybe it is blocked behind thick walls of stubbornness, emotional strength or control! Or maybe it needs more time to get through! Maybe it is chained down by logical thinking, why release it when I know I’ll be back! Can it be denial?

I don’t think that matters, we all don’t have the same emotional map.

I don’t associate yearning with love … well not always …

See when you end up in a living standards that is less than what you are used to, you miss the clean air, the nice weather, the running water, the safe house, the comfy bed, you miss what you are familiar with, what you are used to …

Or maybe whatever you miss is associated with happy memories, childhood, motherly love, innocence …

There is a big difference when you long out of love or familiarisation.

I wonder how I’ll feel if I were put on an island alone, see I don’t think loneliness, I think peace! I guess because in my mind eventually we’ll all die. Another positive outlook, this way I don’t do wrong by anybody so that will hopefully bring my sins down.

At the end of the day, I know if it were up to me, I’d die alone and it’ll take days for someone to discover my stinking body. That’s how I came up with an idea (pinglivingbeings.com, areyoudeadyet.com), a simple web service, subscribers need to check-in daily via SMS, email, ping, twitter, with all the apps, devices and platforms out there, it’s very difficult to stay offline for a day unless you want to or you don’t have a choice, if a day passes without a person checking in, a warning is flagged and depending on your subscription, cops and/or ambulance is sent to your place!

This selfish life style I can not let go of, but I know myself, I’m kidding myself … this isn’t me. Only a small part of my life is solely mine but the rest is for those I love around me, and I’m not only talking about my family, but friends too, in fact a friend long gone, still has a part that I gave away.

Me: You are going to drive soon, be careful, wear your seat belt and no speeding and if I hear otherwise, I’ll take the next plane to just kick your ass and be back, you hear me!

Bro: What! You’re miles away and still lecturing me!!

Me: Don’t make me come!!!

Bro: OK OK

Me:

Life is easier when you only have to take care and worry about yourself. It is harder as your circle gets bigger.

I can go on living in which ever form it is, I’m not sure if this is a scary or comforting thought … nevertheless …

The people in my life, make the quality of my life better, they bring colour to my standalone grey existence. I always knew people around me will move on and they do, that is why I did not think I’ll be missed

Some keep my suicidal dark tendencies at bay others drive me over the edge. In this life you can not be selective or I’d be the first in line eliminating those blocking the warm sunshine

It is a choice for me, I know where I want to be “بحلوها و مرها” and not just for my own sake

My baby sister, my crazy big brother, my carefree living for the moment lil bro, my two kiddie bros that I can tease about seeing their butts as babies My cute adorable nieces.

It feels I broke from my daily soap opera and got my own show and now they are airing commercials, she’ll be back to the original series, so be ready

I’m loving her.