Archive for category funny

Abbreviations

Posted by Bloggylife in funny, thoughts on November 1, 2007

We in the IT world love short nouns, in other words abbreviations.

We gracefully walk around our systems and point out this is the VTLS (Virtual Library System), IPM (Internet Protocol Management) and so on even if these systems were designed by us and nobody has an idea what they do! The problem is when people nod while you explain and you know they have absolutely no idea what your talking about.

This is the BBNU System

Aha, I’ve heard about those, we’re thinking of implementing it …

Really, you thinking of having the Biggest Bullsh*t Nonsense Useless System in your network!!

With my memory I always have to re-read and re-learn. ATM, MPLS technology. MAC, OOP, MAN, WAN, DWDM, never ending. Some of you may of heard of some terms but don’t know what they stand for LAN, DSL, FDDI. I remember in my early days this happened

If we use SNMP protocol, the system enables you ….

Yes the one for the mail (I heard the letters and automatically registered SMTP)

No that’s SMTP (simple mail transfer protocol) I meant SNMP (simple network management protocol)

So you see my dilemma, too many abbreviations and I know I’ve heard them before but can not remember what they stand for so Allah ye3afee Google. I’m reading about all this technologies and all this terms come popping up including the ones I start my search process with ;P

Do medical people use Abbreviations ??

Imagine the following scenario …

Dr1: hmmmm, the patient needs SNMP so carry out the appropriate procedure

Dr2: OK Dr1

After a while …

Dr2: The operation was a 60% success. We managed to implant the muscle and …

Dr1: WTF, I told you the patient needs SNMP (simple nose medicated piercing ) WTH did you do …

Dr2: No, I specifically remember you saying SMTP (serious muscle transplant procedure) ..

OOPPPSSS!!!

Seriously people start using the appropriate long terms with people you just met, even if you are in the same field. Some are shy or mala khilq ask the question. Then if you get to know this person better, then clip these words away into simple letters. *that’s just me*

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Mind Boggling Issues

Posted by Bloggylife in funny, work on October 5, 2007

I come across a lot of problems from employees that need my attention. Most of them I do out of good intentions and my good heart ;) , because they are really not problems they are inconveniences.

So here are the mind boggling issues that I normally think while solving their problems or sometimes voice them out.

  • Bars on the explorer. You know those Google, msn, yahoo, etc bars that are installed at the top of your Internet browser. Do you really need all three of them installed at once? They practically do the same function.
  • Imagine you receive an official email from work and you have a cat stretching on its side staring at you!!! Does anybody see something wrong with that? Sometimes managers send emails and you have smiley faces at the bottom of the email!!! Do you really need those cartoon animation? I said to one employee, this email client application you use to send/receive emails is free, nothing comes free. They collect information and start sending those spams, not only to you but to the company as well. But I like those animation, came the answer out of a 50 year old secretary. If it were up to me, I would have blocked her for a week just for saying that but we have no rules against these kind of applications.
  • Another major mind boggler. You have a crappy Pentium II computer barley working packed with applications that run in the background and download updates daily. Does the loud sound coming out of the poor thing indicate anything? Even the way it looks, يكسر الخاطر. When I see these kind of PCs, I want to sooth it suffering and cover it with a blanket, let it have its peace. My PC is slow. Let’s see. How do you get these daily backgrounds, changing images, prayer applications, huge clocks on the desktop, etc. They are consuming out of your PC performance and Internet connection. Nevertheless, it seems these are necessary applications and they see it’s perfectly natural for a PC to freeze for 5 minutes regularly. Do you really need to change your background scenery daily and a program that will be able to inform you of the “ظهر” prayer?
  • Having applications they don’t know what the hell they are for. Cleaning registry keys, hiding you IP, cleaning history, etc. I ask them, do you know what this does? Do you really need applications just sitting there in your PC not knowing what they do? Of course everybody claims that the person before them installed it or somebody did it and they don’t know. I try to explain to them, registry keys the essence of programs in windows, do not f*ck with them, those popup windows that come when starting your computer saying everything is having a hard time starting up is an indication. Why do you need to hide your IP and clean after yourself? What the HELL have you been doing? Am I working in a top notch secret agency that you need so much protection and secrecy!!
  • Having application that don’t work because we blocked them ;) Why do you keep them? In the hopes of one day that they will be active. Peer-to-peer file sharing, IRC (hate it), etc. All don’t work. Also, when I see those bypassing applications, the ones that make blocked applications work, I’m not going to say which because I don’t want to give ideas. Let’s just say our last survey showed that more than 80% of employees’ Internet activities are considered a loss of productivity, yeah like that was a shocker ;P

    • Some employees really mess up their PCs. Even when their PCs are shutdown for two months it internally f*cks itself up. I was away for one month and now my PC isn’t working, comes a notable heard phrase from fresh out of the holiday employees. My boss asked me, I have been away for over two months and when I came back I turn on my PC, wait for 5 minutes and viola it’s working, I have the Internet and everything, WTH do these employees do to manage to screw everything up. My answer was a simple laughter and a I-have-no-whatsoever-idea shoulder shrug.

    1 Comment

    Kuwaiti Workaholic

    Posted by Bloggylife in funny, Kuwait, thoughts on September 30, 2007

    What constitutes a Kuwaiti Workaholic?
    These random points may indicate your situation to whether being one or not
    • You show up to work on TIME
    • Actually show up to work ;)
    • You punch your own attendance card to work
    • You don’t bring a newspaper or breakfast to work
    • You don’t search for a newspaper or breakfast at work
    • You have work to do
    • You understand the work you have to do
    • You do the job yourself (أدري قوية)
    • It’s easier when you’re around than when you’re not (تقزة قوية)
    • Your main concern is to solve a problem not to place the blame
    • You actually thought about developing your working environment (innocent mistake)
    • You’re restless
    • You’re considered socially retarded
    • You don’t leave work before the end of working hours
    Our definition of being a workaholic here in Kuwait differs from the rest of the world. The simple fact that you actually lift a finger and do your job makes you one of the rare active working-force in Kuwaiti society ;) (صح ولا أنا غلطانة)

    They maybe many other indicators that I have missed, you’re welcome to share ;D

    9 Comments

    Heros – Season 1

    Posted by Bloggylife in entertainment, funny, thoughts on September 23, 2007

    Out of my morning mood and back to my usual self in my bed with new bed sheets&new pillow covers ;)

    Villains. WTH is up with Villains & long speeches.

    I finished HEROS. It is a nice series about people with supernatural powers coming together to save New York from a nuclear explosion.

    Throughout the series there are so many flaws. If you haven’t seen it, continuing reading this might spoil it for you, you’ve been warned. Jump directly to the conclusion ;)

    One of the characters, Hiro, is from Japan with his friend Indo. He can bend time&space. Travel in time. One amazing thing that he becomes a samurai if I can say that or learns how to handle a sword in a matter of hours!!!

    There is another guy called the Hashen, around him no one can use his power. Hashen, the neutralizer. Add to it he’s French&black :P

    The bad guy Syler, well he sucks other people’s power by slicing their brain open.

    Peter is the main character, he absorbs the power of others if they come close. So when Ted the nuclear human bomb meets with him, Peter adds nuclear bomb generation to his list of powers. Peter is the one who is going to explode because he can’t control this new power. Sylar also kills Ted&takes his power yet amazingly he can control it.

    Anyway so many times they could’ve killed Sylar but noooo … they have to give THE SPEECH.

    “You killed my father. Destroyed his name&now you must die”

    That’s professor Suresh while taking spinal fluid from Sylar’s neck. First of all I thought they took it from the lower back&really does a person have to be alive while doing that. Of course Sylar escaped.

    The stupid painter can see the future. He sees him self being murdered by Sylar, himself lying on the floor with an open skull. After this scene what does he do? He paints how to kill Sylar&waits for the guy. Sylar kills him&takes his powers. Stupid junkie. If I were him&I would’ve painted the future&shot myself. At least this way he wouldn’t be able to take my powers.

    Then when Sylar wants to kill the good guy, he has enormous powers yet he chooses to suffocate his victim, oh come on, at least break it!!! So while suffocating Peter Hiro comes&stabs him. Of course Sylar doesn’t miss his chance of giving THE SPEECH. Eventually they leave you with this scene where supposedly dead Sylar has crawled to the sewers.

    I mean if it were up to me, i would have dragged the Hashen kicking&Screaming to the place where all the good guys&one bad guy meet. Then have a special squad waiting. I will instruct 30 something snippers to shoot the bastard aka Sylar. Crash a car through him. Maybe a helicopter too. A mini missle ;) Then make sure he’s dead

    I’ve skipped a lot you should see the series, i didn’t want to spoil it, they are now starting season 2. It is very nice and capturing.

    So what have we learned…

    Never go alone tracking a villain if you can help it. Get all the help you need. Don’t be a martyr, people die all the time

    Please we live in a sick world. So if you are fighting evil don’t trust strangers, you would think that is obvious!

    Always double check

    Never ever give a speech before killing anyone. Once you got the chance shoot, then think

    When finally killing a villain, make sure he’s DEAD. Just because he fell&closed his eyes doesn’t mean he’s actually lifeless. Once he falls whatever you have use it. If it’s a machine gun, a pistol, just empty that damn thing, every single bullet, preferably in the head or through the heart. I would go the extra mile&chop the head off and the heart and throw them into different places. I might feed the rest of him to the dogs or any animal that eats meat.

    Never ever think it’s over ;)

    Before futoor nap time, gtg :D

    7 Comments

    How hard is it to FLUSH

    Posted by Bloggylife in funny, personal, thoughts, work on September 20, 2007

    Flush … Flush … Flush

    All the pretty pretty girls @ work are Nasty!!!

    Every morning when I arrive to work & I’m always early, the bathrooms are just cleaned so I take advantage of that & go do my business.

    I walk into the bathroom & this awful smell. I go to my usual loo & BAM!!! Honestly I jumped a little. People after doing your thing FLUSH damn it especially if you’ve done no. 2. “والله للحين لايعة جبدي” Thank god I’m fasting or I would have vomited my breakfast. “لا واللي زاد الطين بلة” the other one wasn’t flushed either, but ar7am somebody only leaked. I flushed it … eklaaab.

    How hard is it to flush, just press the button. We should have those toilets where when you get up, it is automatically flushed.

    If (person.action != flush) {
    System.print(“$%&*#@ & beat the crap out of him/her”);
    ToiletDoor.SmashHead(input person);
    ToiletDoor.Kickout(input person);
    }
    Else{
    System.print(“Thank you”);
    ToiletDoor.close();
    }

    I need some water after this shock !!!

    5 Comments

    Natural Conclusion

    Posted by Bloggylife in funny, Kuwait on August 21, 2007

    Just another day. We were in Sharq having lunch and then walking back to our cars, Rania and me. Inside the mall we see “Today’s Kuwaiti Girls”

    ليش مافي بنات أشكالهم طبيعية

    يبا للحين عندج أمل. مع موضة “الراس الفضائي”

    والله ما أدري منو اللي قالهم هذا حلو!!!

    خلاص. اذا نبي نشوف أشكال طبيعية … طالعيني و انا اطالعج …

    1 Comment

    Joke

    Posted by Bloggylife in funny on August 10, 2007

    A friend sent me this joke … haven’t heard a good one in a while :D

    After digging to a depth of 100 meters last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.

    So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200 meters and headlines in the US papers read: “US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibers, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians.”

    One week later, the Egyptian newspapers reported the following: “After digging as deep as 500 meters, Egyptian scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using wireless technology.”

    1 Comment