What do I want for 2012?

Well 2012 has huge enormous shoes to fill, after 2011 drama queen, but on a personal level … meh … 2012 has only to take one step and that’d be beating 2011!

• Setting monthly goals! Even if they are simple and maybe I can push myself into setting some weekly goals.
• Focusing more on my health, I think I managed this well in 2011 and hope to continue into 2012.
• “Not everybody lives, but everybody dies!”. I really liked this quote. I think this applies to me. I need to have a thicker skin. Not get affected by what goes on around me. Or as my sister says: “The only solution is for you to live in Utopia” and since I don’t, I need to not get affected by actions committed by others that are against my moral standards and beliefs.
• Do one project, even if it is simple.
• Flourish on a religious level. As a kid religion was shoved down my throat, so I shy away by default from religious practices, I do the bare minimum. I don’t want the extreme, but a comfortable level.
• Keep on reading.
• Read more Arabic books.
• Volunteer.
• Don’t shoot me, but I want something more in terms of career, I do not like my job!!! I HATE this in me!!! It’s a dream job for most, but I do not enjoy it! I wish I didn’t have that part in me, where I need to be satisfied, it’s my freaking 3rd job! I wish I had a mentor, someone to guide me, someone who doesn’t give me the answer, just the TOOLS to discover what is perfect for me. Something that makes me HAPPY & CONTENT.
• Forgive! Mostly forgive myself. *though those I need to forgive most probably I won’t*
• Develop myself.
• Be a bit more social  though I think in the past 2 years, I have progressed but I do have set backs every now and then.
• For weekdays, I do not want to do home-work-home scenario even if it’s a stop at the grocery store. I need to break the cycle.
• DO NOT PROCRASTINATE!
• Learn how to spell and pronounce procrastinate :P
• Try and be more tidy.
• Express myself and share.
• Be optimistic! I am a pessimistic person. I keep it to myself mostly. Though I don’t give up easily if something fails … strange! Anyway, I want to be more colourful about life, Yes the sun is shining, the sky is blue, I believe I can fly crap ;p No more DARK thoughts or at least not as much.
• Not wear black as much Take more than 5 minutes to get ready  Be more feminine, defasha ma nabee  swoon once in a while
• Travel.

These are some of the things I thought of. What are your resolutions? Do share. And if you have any ideas or tips to help me with mine, or resolutions I need to include, do not hesitate to comment

Happy New Year

My main challenge is the students themselves! The job itself it is not challenging at all and by that it doesn’t provide any kind of satisfaction! I guess this is why teaching as a profession is considered a selfless act!

Today’s students don’t want to learn or at least mine don’t. They’ve complained about me to other instructors! Complains that my assignments are too hard! In one of my lab courses after the students go through the lab, I grade them based on a problem they have to think about and solve. This apparently has never been done … Why don’t I write the solution on the board and have them copy paste it? WTF, am I testing their eye sight! To those I say, next time avoid my classes, this is my way!

One student actually said … I’m not an Engineer, my job is NOT to think … I do what I’m told! I replied, you know you just insulted yourself O_o’

As an instructor I do my best, sometimes I’m so exhausted and frustrated and I can see their blank faces not registering a thing I’m saying!

Every now and then I’m asked a question I do not know the answer to, I simply say, I’m sorry I don’t know the answer, I’ll check it out and get back to you. Especially in programming and different editors out there that I’m not totally familiar with. Sometimes I realise that I’ve said something wrong in class when discussing with another colleague so next lecture I correct that information. My colleague told me, you can’t say you said something wrong! Why not? I’m not miss know it all! I do lose confidence in myself, when I realise that I’ve said something wrong or I can’t provide an answer but I know no other way …

!تقولي، مريم اكثرت الشكاوي عليك! شنو قاعد تعطينهم! قلتلها ودي وحدة تقول يعطيها العافية أستاذة مريم قاعد تتعب معانا و تعلمنا غصب

But in my environment I consider this as a compliment since this is what I hear while walking around … “I LOVE this instructor, first 3 weeks he doesn’t attend, he gives a lecture now and then and the rest is off, no quizzes, no homeworks and the exam is open book, YEHABIL”

My answer mostly is : “I’m not married“

I think by them asking that question, they catch two birds with one stone. Instead of asking “Are you married?” and if the answer is yes, they go on “Are you pregnant?“, “Are you trying to get pregnant?” or “Did you just give birth?“. See two pigs with one angry bird :p

Single = Definitely not Pregnant

This isn’t that case everywhere :p

In my wallet, I’ve the pictures of my two nieces.

Once out with all my university colleagues, I pull out my wallet to pay the bill, so my Chinese friend apparently saw the pictures and asked:

“Are those your kids?“

“What!! I’m not married“

“I know. But are they yours?“

O_o’

Single != Definitely not Pregnant

Physical activity for me is essential. To keep fit, have fun and the most important reason of all, stress relief!

As my instructor often wonders, “You’re playing good today“

And my most likely comeback “I had a bad day at work” – then of course my instructor goes on lecturing me about life and priorities

My instructor pushes me hard … seriously to the point that sometimes when hitting the showers after the game I just sit on the floor under the sprinkling cool water fighting the urge to vomit!

“Hit the ball harder … come on” and all that is going through my head is “Man, If I hit the ball any harder, my arm will come off”

After the 30 minutes practice, comes the 30 minutes game! All hell breaks loose if I have the lead … “OK now I’m gonna kill you” comes his mocking remark and indeed he does

Sometimes I think I need another heart and set of lungs just to keep up … “You think I’m old, I can’t get to the faraway ball” .. “Shit I pissed him off“

“Come on make your breathe, are you OK??“

I wanna say “I’m about to cough my heart out!” but instead what comes out “I’m OK, yalla I’m ready“

He keeps taps on me “What did you eat today?“

Lamely I start listing … “green tea, coffee, biscuits, tea, coffee, got out of work grabbed some mcdonalds!“

“I will make you loose the fat“, or him scolding me “You gained the fat!“, or him praising me “Good, you lost the fat”

Before I didn’t have the time to go on regular basis, as always work work work, but with my new “job” I’m more time flexible. I try to go at least twice a week.

After the 1 hour squash, I’m soaking in my sweat, from the tip of my head to the bottom of my feet Bones I didn’t know I had … ache … one time even my teeth! -madree shakoo-, but I do feel good about myself Nice job!

My beautiful lovely Lucy, my cat, has passed away.

I had dreams leading to making that phone call. Lucy missing a leg and another about her covered in dirt beyond recognition, “There’s Lucy, she just needs a bath” I said in the dream.

For two days after getting the news I was gloomy, my heart was just sad, tears just kept escaping without my control, I wasn’t sobbing, I just was without energy. It was a different kind of pain and sadness, I’ve never experienced it even when loosing relatives.

Some do not understand how a pet could mean so much to a human being. In fact she was not just a cat, she was a family member, I cherished and loved her more than I did some relatives!

Having her for over a decade, I can say with confidence, that cats are smart creatures they do sense your mood. I remember when I was sad or sick she just snuggles with me.

You’d find me dead tired sleeping unmoving on my back and right next to me you’ll find her too sleeping on her back

She was very territorial, didn’t like new cats coming along. She picked her own men even if I did not like them She would run out the door as soon as someone opens the door with me running after her not wanting her to get pregnant from “القطو بو راس” his head was so big and he was ugly, but I guess love is love. She got pregnant by him twice!

She liked to bathe in warm water and dried off with a towel, never use a blow dryer, it scares her so much. She preferred chicken, tuna then meat, in that order. She loved Pringles! She hated the vet yet she didn’t give them a hard time when they gave her medicine, she gave me hell when I tried to give her medicine

She loved having her head and ear rubbed, she hated hugs. She loved it when my room was totally messy just as it is the case right now. She loved squeezing herself in tiny dark places.

I couldn’t go through her pictures, I still hoped somehow that when I landed, this whole thing will turn out to be a big misunderstanding and I find her there waiting for me. Ignoring me at first because she is mad that I went away but then she’ll get used to me after a couple of days and come scratching at my door, each time wanting to be at the other side of it.

It was supposed to be the two of us, I guess I’m not over her yet. I didn’t say goodbye, I still hold back my tears when I remember her. I think about why GOD took her away so soon so early, but of course he knows better, her passing away while I wasn’t here was for the best.

I still miss her.

Lucy photo stream: link

• I always “at7al6am”, don’t forget that So when I start that cycle again, it’s not because I’ve been away, it’s my default.
• I never ever tolerated heat! I always LOVED the cold. So when I complain about the weather and sweat like crazy, it was and still is in my blood
• When I speak I tend to inject English, the only thing that I can say has changed is a silly accent that will go away in weeks.
• REMEMBER I always “aqi6 badleeyat”, nothing new there.
• Always been and hopefully continue to be a morning person.
• I’m an independent person to the extent that can be. So no “الغربة تعلم الاعتماد على النفس” please.
• I can not tolerate social gatherings, well not all, I’m selective.
• I love spending time alone.
• I like reading, perhaps I got the chance to do more of that here.

What did I forget ba3ad

You need to fill out a form and this form is not available online, you either have to go to the headquarters in London or they’ll mail it to you. Weird, you’d think it is a super form, it is a lousy un-scanable, the printed form is so badly scanned and indented, it is pathetic!

You need to provide four photos with a blue background. The official photographs in UK are with a white background. I ended up having my photo snapped in the middle of Jessop with a white background and told them back home to photoshop in the blue background.

Also, you need to write an official letter to “مسئول الشئون القنصلية” stating that you are student, where you study, your address and the person who’s going to renew your passport information.

I filled the form, popped in the photographs, the official letter and passport and sent them off to the embassy in UK. According to the embassy official, all should arrive to Kuwait by Monday.

Almost all my official identification end in 2010! My passport, my civil ID and my Kuwaiti bank card!! 3ad I do not know how I’m going to handle my bank card, I need to call KFH.

I’m coming back passport-less, bank card-less, civil ID-less! Yeah and I think my car back home isn’t working Actually the A/C isn’t working, but it is all the same to me, NO A/C is NO use

• Many book stores available, I go in and loose myself
• Amazon UK, my basket always has items in them. It is hard to resist the click to order and have your items delivered within one week.
• Again my life style, when waiting for the bus, I can be waiting for upto 30 minutes and so I sit or lean against the wall and read. Since I’m not driving and I’m the passenger, I read while in the bus or train until I get dizzy
• Everyone around you is reading, it really helps and is an open source for book recommendations and a good conversation starter. “ohhh, I read this book, it is very interesting and a good read”.

I’ve read a lot of light books lately, when I’ve got so much going on, I need to ease and relax my mind a bit or it’ll explode. The three books were:

• His other lover by Lucy Dawson.”A crazy woman fighting for her sorry excuse of a man“. This novel proves that women are crazy when it comes to their man! They do not acknowledge common sense and they loose grip of reality.
• Getting rid of Matthew by Jane Fallon. I liked “Foursome” more, it was so much funnier.
• My best friend’s girl by Dorothy Koomson. I enjoyed this book very much, it was light and entertaining. I didn’t know how it’ll end till I finished reading the book.

And the last book was “Precious” by Sapphire, I just felt really appreciative of my life and the circumstances I live in. You’ll feel so blessed while reading this book.

On my to read list.

I picked this Stieg Larsson because of all the hype about the brilliance of his novels and I chose his first one. The second book by Kathryn Stockett, I just stumbled upon while Amazon-ing

So one of my neighbours are a Chinese couple or that’s what I thought! I actually didn’t put things together until later, I see her with a guy that I thought was the one living next door, turns out it is a different guy. So maybe they are not a couple, maybe they’re just brother and sister

You can never understand Chinese couple they aren’t as intimate as their English counterparts! They don’t hold hands for example. My colleague has a picture of himself posing next to his girlfriend, it seems like they were forced under gunpoint!! Standing straight, looking into the camera direct, no smiles, eshda3wa

Now I can recognize my pre-couple now-siblings duo, they do not sit next to each other in class that is in the times I’ve seen them. In the cafeteria, I see her eating with a group and then as I’m heading out I see him eating with another group! They come after me in the bus, infront of me, he sits right of the aisle and she left of the aisle, why not together ???

As I’m cleaning my room, I see them walking outside, hand-in-hand, hmmmm, that doesn’t seem like a brother and sister Ohhh, well maybe they are a couple who are sick of each other, they do not have to sit together in uni, eat together, walk together … still not sure, are they a couple or not ???

Maybe they’re just living together ??? Is he gay 3ad she is a beautiful girl, he’s grumpy and always smoking outside hehehehe

Today I see her in the bus and we talk, I’m think should I ask the question, “Is that your boyfriend, friend, or brother ?” But didn’t

Later I head out again and as I was going up to the bus stop, they were coming down, his hands around her, I smile ready to say HI, as soon as she sees me, she elbows him and shrugs off his hands and they seperate, I walk by and we exchange “Hello’s”.

Did they do that because they’ve seen me “Basich leqafa” But life is putting them in my way, I’m not seeking it, it just happens infront of me and then I think “OK, where did we last left off, YUP them sitting apart”, or as my latest update, them springing away from of each other when they saw me, or maybe it’s just my imagination hehehehe I feel wicked when I’m piecing and noticing things that are not of my god damn business

The dilemma is not Isha prayer, it is Isha + Fajer! Ishar is after 11 PM and Fajer around 2:30 AM.

It is physically difficult for me to pray at 11:15 PM and by the time I get around to sleep, wake up for the Fajer! Sometimes I turn off the alarm without even having a recollection of that action!

I put the alarm at the far end, far beyond my hand reach, I have to get out of bed to turn the alarm off, I used to do that sometimes back home, when I’m exhausted and know there is a high chance of me unconsciously turning the alarm off. I set it to 3:30 AM, for realistic terms, by the time I sleep around 12 midnight, 3:30 AM sounds doable.

You experience the extremes here from Fajer being after 6 AM, Dhuhur at 12 PM, 3asir after 1 PM, Magrib around 4 PM and Isha around 6 PM to summer prayer times. Interesting experience